"No problem, just let me in," says the politician. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. While walking down the street one day, a high ranking politician is tragically hit by a truck and dies. Suddenly, the guy grabs her by her shoulder turns her around and says: "Man! you won't BELIEVE who I've been sleeping with for the past 6 months!" She was confused about what had just happened, maybe it wasn't her, maybe it was him? She started walking, wondering and doubting herself. "Now, please, put on these sunglasses, and start walking down the beach I'll catch up to you in a bit," he said a bit excited. "Now I'd like for you to grab this piece of soot and paint yourself a beard and a mustache." She was kinda confused, but non the less, she wanted to make him happy, so she tucked her hair under the hat. "Oohh, now, take this hat and wear it, but tuck your hair under it." ok, I'd say I'd do anything" she said lovingly. "Now put this shirt on please, but first, "tape" your boobs so they are flat." "Ok, first i want you to take off you toga and get into this pair of work jeans that somehow washed on the shore." She pestered him for a while eventually saying she would do ANYTHING he needed or wanted to make him feel good again, just because she really cared for him a lot, and even if he wasn't asking, she felt it was the least she owed it to him to try. "What's wrong?" Scarlett Johansson asked, "Nothing." the guy would say. After that, they were for all intents and purposes a couple with an above regular sex life.īut for some reason he started drifting away, something was bothering him. One night she threw herself at him and they made love. He eventually built a cabin, had a functioning automatic potable water supply, and all sorts of little clever commodities, all done to make life easier. After all, there wasn't anyone else in the island. Non veg jokes how to#They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was, of course.Īt the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learned how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, she took care of him in return, and eventually she started really caring about him. and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck. Hours pass, and only one other man makes it to the island with her. 'These days, about half the stuff in my shopping cart says: 'For fast relief.''Īfter a terrible cruise shipwreck, famous beauty and actress Scarlett Johansson finds herself alone on a deserted island. She wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. Told her preacher she had two final requests.įirst, she wanted to be cremated, and second, But, thank God,Īn elderly woman decided to prepare her will and Take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.Īlso, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. She turned to me and asked, 'Are you having it catered'?Īnd that, my friend, is the sad definition of 'OLD'! I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair. But by the time I got my leotard on, the class was over. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. So I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, 'Sorry, I can't do it.It's booked up for a year.' The farmer replied, "the women would say, 'what a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'can I borrow that mule?' and I would shake my head and say: Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head and mumble a reply. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head and say something. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.Īt the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. To no avail, she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice and making life unbearable for the farmer and his new bride. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of their home.
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